Height: 5ft “10
Film: Get Carter
Telly: Wheeler Dealers (after the missus has gone to bed)
Song: ‘Gannin’ Doon The Toony Toon’ by The Chang Sings
Book: ‘Adolf Hitler: My Part in His Downfall’ by Spike Milligan
Quote: “Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much” – Oscar Wilde
Food: Steak Bake / Bar Loco Pizza
Person: Tommy Cooper
Greetings! I’m Jack Conquistador Burton. I’m middle aged, but there’s minimal sagging so far! I love my sexy wife, Vanessa. Childhood sweethearts, we were. Not with each other of course, but I swept in and knocked that other bloke out of the picture. Ha!
We have a gorgeous daughter, Sophie. She gets her looks from me… and her brains. Did she get anything from you, darling? Sometimes I wonder if you were even there for the conception.
Any gentleman thinking about courting the fruit of my loins will need to prove themselves worthy. A Ham and Pease Pudding stottie should do it and a pint in the Cumberland Arms.